Now @ NuMetro: Machete (Robert Rodriguez)

If you can forgive extreme profanity, unrealistic blood fountains, a predictable and choppy story and painfully bad dialogue, then there's really nothing holding you back from enjoying Robert Rodriquez's latest bloodfest - aptly named after its hero's favourite weapon, 'Machete'.

Spending time on unraveling Machete's plot is totally pointless as the plot itself only serves as an attempted mechanism for giving the gruesome (and often hilarious) scenes of violence a platform of execution.

But it is in this never-ending list of obvious shortcomings that lies the movie's greatest beauty: Yes, Machete is supposed to be horrible, unoriginal and awesomely cheezy. Machete is in fact a spoof of itself, cleverly utilizing all the elements characteristic of B-grade action films to make fun of itself as well as the genre it is portraying.

"Best viewed with a large popcorn and slush 
or 10 years later on E-TV."

As soon as the movie-goer realizes and accepts this fact, Machete can be enjoyed in its full glory as a humorous and silly, but insanely fun take on America's border control legislation and those who enforce as well as oppose it. The movie also has a surprisingly lot to say about propaganda and how it is still used as an effective political campaign promoter (but this is definitely not explored deeply enough to make you question your views on the subject).

The movie also benefits from a star studded list of actors, that include Don Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Danny Trejo and the king of cheezy action movies himself, Steven Segal. Lindsay Lohan must also be commended for being willing to play a character very similar to herself, serving as a great chunk of irony that becomes more and more ridiculous as the movie progresses.

Machete joins the list of Rodriguez's films (like Once upon a time in Mexico) that are destined to be misinterpreted, but those who 'get' its amazing horridness will find themselves laughing all the way to the credits.

Best viewed with a Large popcorn and Slush or 10 years later on E-TV.

Highlights: 1. Machete's undeniable charm with the ladies is so irresistible, that he finds that he needs very few words to win their respect and admiration in the bedroom. 2. A discussion about the length of the human intestines inspires Machete to test the validity of the discussions' claims in the form of an unbelievably cheezy action sequence.

"Machete don't text." He is however very fond of killing and rough sex.

Ranking: 3-and-a-half Meerkat Tails (Add half-a-tail if you love brain-dead violence)


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